Why we get out of bed in the morning...

We're doing ok. Had the D&C today. I was terrified - trembling and tearful as I was wheeled into theatre. I'd been under general anaesthetic once before in my life and had such a horrible experience that I'd sworn never to do it again. Unless I had to... *sigh*

In the end the general was just fine. I woke up easily in no pain surrounded by soothing nurses. The crappy part was the 4 hour sit in the waiting room to have the elective pre-booked procedure! I'm never using the public hospital system again. Unless I have to...

I feel better now than I have in a week. Physically better. Emotionally better. Psychologically ready to move on now that Flash has truly left us.

But this is the main reason we feel ok:



She's been brilliant, in spite of spending days in hospital waiting rooms or travelling in the car. In spite of catching a nasty cold and running a temperature. In spite of mummy and daddy needing extra cuddles.

Thank all the gods we have our Princess!

Flash has left the building

Last Friday I started bleeding. Just a smudge on the loo paper, but still... I rang my doctor and they said to keep an eye on things and if I was still bleeding on Monday they'd send me for a checkup. It was a long, long, looong weekend. The bleeding got worse, then better, then worse, then better.

On Monday I rang my doctor and they said to get myself checked out at the hospital. I love hospitals. I especially love public hospitals. Milord came back from work and sat with me in a sad cramped room with many other couples looking tense for 4 hours. We were in the miniscule minority in that we had a bright bouncing Princess laughing in our laps, and she has been the only thing keeping us upright at times. I feel so sorry for the childless couples who were waiting with us.

We eventually had a scan that showed us a very undersized Flash, with no heartbeat. Looks like the fetus died a few weeks back, but my body didn't want to accept the truth...

We are not ok, but we are better than we were a few days ago and we are being very very kind to each other. Milord was given the week off to be with me. We went away for a night, via a glorious scenic drive that took 7 hours of mountains and rivers and bright green gum trees. Princess was an angel. I'm still bleeding, but it's painless and more like a period than anything.

Tomorrow I will be having the final cleanup, as my body is still in denial. And then we will pull ourselves back together, and keep on keeping on.

We are so sad. We were so looking forward to meeting Flash.

10 Weeks

The Mother

As the uterus is now too large to be contained in the pelvis, it starts to push up above your pelvic bone and for some of you, a little bump is noticeable. You may find your clothes are becoming a little tighter.

The Baby

Sized at approximately 4.4cm (from head to rump) at the start of this week, the body is growing into better proportion with the head now. The baby actively moves its arms and legs and also takes little 'naps'.

"A little bump is noticeable." Oh boy, is it ever! I have popped out with a vengeance, and am already wearing my maternity jeans. The normal jeans I was wearing still fit, they're just really uncomfortable when I sit down and the waistband digs into my thickening lower abdomen - so why bother?

Last pregnancy I stayed in my normal trousers for as long as I could. I was determined not to have a bump until I absolutely had to - I think I was in denial! This time I'm embracing my condition... I brought all my maternity wear out of the roof over the weekend and there is more than I remember. Certainly more options than in my current "fat clothes" wardrobe! Awesome.

Gestation: 10 weeks
Weight: 74.8kg
Waist: 89cm
Thigh: 60cm
No changes from last week (my bump is all lower abdomen)

How do I feel?
Marvellous. I get weary in the afternoons and sometimes take a nap when Princess has one, but otherwise I feel just fine.

Cravings?
No...... but I have been allowing myself biscuits and chocolate, and that's becoming a bad habit. One mini-Mars Bar would be ok, but the second, third and fourth tend to queue up behind the first!

How does Milord feel?
Still happy and confident, but what with me being so well and normal I think it slips his mind a bit. Every couple of days he'll suddenly ask "How's Flash doing?" and I know it's occurred to him that we haven't spoken about Flash for ages!

9 Weeks

The Mother

Your uterus is growing in size, now approximately the size of a softball and can be felt when touching your stomach.

The Baby

Sized at approximately 3.3cm (from head to rump) your baby is changing and can be quite active as it has a fair amount of space to enjoy. Practising bending elbows and wrists, your baby often opens and closes their newly formed mouth. The eyelids have finished forming, but these won't open until much later in the pregnancy.

How big is a softball? I'm not sure that I can feel it - maybe a skinny person could? Enjoy the room Flash, all too soon you're going to be squashed into a ball upside down on top of my bladder!

Gestation: 9 weeks
Weight: 74.8kg
Waist: 89cm
Thigh: 60cm

Yes all those measurements are shrinking... am I the only person in the world who slims down when they are pregnant? Growing babies totally sucks my reserves - luckily I have huge reserves!

How do I feel?
Great! Really great. I don't feel pregnant at all - my appetite is normal and my energy is almost normal. I still nap sometimes in the afternoon when Princess has her sleep - but then I was doing that before I got pregnant if we'd had a rough night! I feel like a fraud when people treat me gently because I'm pregnant... So far I'm really enjoying this pregnancy, which is brilliant.

Cravings?
Nope. Milord keeps buying me icecream and then eating it himself... he did this last time too!

How does Milord feel?
Very happy and very confident. Too confident perhaps, but I prefer this to his anxious attitude last time.

8 Weeks

The Mother

Despite your face looking fuller (due mainly to fluid retention), your skin may be looking very healthy. You may also find that your gums bleed easily when brushing your teeth. Switch to a 'soft' toothbrush during your pregnancy to prevent damaging your gums.

Morning sickness may still be an issue but dietary management of this can help to ease the nausea. If it proves unbearable, mention this to your healthcare provider. This week, your doctor will advise of a number routine of tests (blood and urine) you need to have done. It is also a good time to make your appointment for your 12 week ultrasound. Emotions are still running high and will continue to fluctuate throughout the next 30 weeks.

The Baby

Sized at approximately 2.4cm (from head to rump), your baby is looking more like a baby than a 'bean', with arms and legs obvious. Your baby's head - still large when compared to the body size - now has a mouth, lips, nose and ears, with eyelids forming this week. Tiny fingers and toes are starting to form and develop at quite a fast rate. Your baby's heart is beating at approximately 180 beats per minute.

Fluid retention, yay. I haven't really noticed this, and to be honest I think my face is looking thinner than a month ago as my fat starts to melt away. I'm eating well, it's just that I've dropped wine and junk and so I lose weight in spite of being pregnant! This happened last time too. No bleeding gums, but I remember getting nosebleeds before which I presume is related.

My skin is no better or worse than usual - I got spotty last pregnancy so I'm cleansing like mad to stay ahead of it.

Mood swings? None last time and none this time (so far). Phew. (Double phew for Milord!)

No sickness, and no real food aversions yet. I do find that if I'm eating something I'm not enjoying then once my hunger is met I can't bring myself to finish the portion - even if it looks rude and I'm starving again an hour later. I carry muesli bars in my bag just in case!

Weariness occasionally hits me without warning - even after a good night's sleep I'll suddenly feel like I've been up 24 hours and it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. On Saturday Milord noticed me yawning like mad so sent me to bed while he took Princess out for a bit. When he got home I was still groggy so he let me lie in a while longer, and in the end I napped for nearly 2 hours! Awesome.


Princess came for a cuddle during my nap...

Weeks: 8
Weight: 75kg
Waist: 91cm
Thigh: 61cm

The Weight is creeping down while Waist and Thigh are mostly unchanged. My jeans feel looser so I guess my bum is shrinking? My bra feels looser too. At this rate I'll fit back into my pre-preggy clothes just as my bump pops!

Oh, and Princess is doing better today. She slept quietly until about 2am when I started to hear the odd wail every hour or so. At 4:30am I got her up for a bottle, medicine, vicks and nose drops (she really hates the nose drops!) and she went straight back to sleep until morning when we saw the best smiles in days! For breakfast she had a decent portion of porridge, more medicine etc, and then went back to bed.

She still has a bad cold but I think she may be on the mend. It's pouring with rain so we'll stay warm and quiet indoors again while I do Milord's taxes. Or play xbox. Oooooh, hard decision!

7 Weeks

Sized at approximately 1.6cm at the start of this week (from head to rump), your baby is now more obviously a human. At this stage, the embroyo is now called a foetus. With a head that is equal to the body in size, limbs are starting to form and many of the organ systems are nearing their final development stages. Your baby's heart is beating at approximately 160 beats per minute.

"more obviously a human" - excellent!

Gestation: 7 weeks
Weight: 75.5kg
Waist: 90cm

How do I feel?
I'm starting to get tired, although it's not hitting me as hard as last time. There is a big difference to being sleepy sitting in front of a computer in an office and being sleepy while playing with a baby - and I sometimes nap when Princess has her afternoon sleep. I have the odd slight nausea when my tummy is very empty, but as soon as I eat something that passes.

Cravings?
I'm losing my appetite, although food still tastes ok. I just don't feel "hungry" as such until my stomach rumbles, and even then I have trouble thinking of what I fancy eating. I often just wolf down a muesli bar as it's easy! I make a point of having greens and meat and fruit every day, but I'm having trouble thinking up menus because I have no appetite.

How does Milord feel?
Still thrilled. He has told everyone - I have neighbours congratulate me as they go by!

Today I visited my GP to start the medical ball rolling. Last pregnancy I was in her office like a shot once I knew I was pregnant, and this time I've waited 3 weeks before making a move! The difference with a second pregnancy is that I already have the answers to my questions: what to eat, what to do, what to expect, which hospital, which obstetrician, etc etc. It's very relaxed this time around!

My weight is beginning to creep down, which surprises me as I was away visiting friends over the weekend and ate rather well. I guess Flash is beginning to draw on my resources!

6 Weeks

(I've been writing these in secret but I'm now ready to let the world know that we are pregnant again! If you look back over the last couple of weeks there will be a few new posts revealed)

Sized at approximately 1cm in length at the start of this week (from head to rump), your baby's heart is beating at approximately 140 beats a minute. The umbilical cord linking the baby to your womb has developed and is busy working to supply your baby with all that it needs for growth and development.

Weight: 76kg

Not much has changed this week, although I have felt "peculiar" once or twice. Just sort of lightheaded, but a drink of water and a snack and a sit down sorts that out.

5 Weeks

Even at this early stage, your baby is busy developing. Sized approximately 5-10 mm and still called an embryo, the heartbeat is faster than yours and beating at around 100 beats a minute. The spine has finished developing and the brain is beginning to develop. (As the baby's shape and spine is curved for most of the next 3 months, the measurement of the baby's size is taken from the top of the head or crown, down to their bottom or rump)

Gestation: 5 weeks
Weight: 76kg
Waist: 90cm
Thigh: 61cm

Weight at this point last pregnancy: 71.5kg
Waist at this point last pregnancy: 87cm
Thigh at this point last pregnancy: 58cm

There is no chance of me posting "bump" photos yet! My waist has reduced by 3cm since last week though - I've been concentrating on tummy exercises. I have got to build my core strength while I still can. I'm a little surprised I haven't lost weight as I haven't been gorging myself, but then again I am not letting myself get hungry either.

How do I feel?
Normal. I think I'm starting to smell stuff strongly now though... last night I had a hot chocolate while Milord ate a mandarin and it was the olfactory equivalent of bathing in a Terrys Chocolate Orange! Today Princess has a sniffle and I've put a cloth smeared with Vicks under her sheet - walking into her room is like inhaling icicles.

Cravings?
Nope. I'm making a point of eating meat and greens though as I assume I'll go off them for the first trimester again soon. I've started iron supplements already as I had an iron problem last time and I don't want to feel like that again. Ever.

How does Milord feel?
Thrilled! He has started telling everyone, even the electrician who was around installing the aircon last night. I'm still keeping fairly quiet about it as 5 weeks is very early. I've told a few good friends and my family, but that's it so far.

We've already begun bandying names about. Milord is hoping for a boy this time (although of course he'd be fine with another girl) and we have been trying to think of the silliest boys names. We ended up giggling so hard over "Flash" (aaAh, saviour of the universe!) that our embryo is now known as Flash. Wonder if it'll stick?

Here we go again!

I'm going to keep this post hidden for a few weeks until I've had a chance to tell my nearest and dearest. Milord would like to wait until we are 12 weeks along, but I doubt I can wait that long!



After just enough trying to take the fun out of our love life we have a result! I am both thrilled and apprehensive...

Stats
Weight: 76kg
Waist: 93cm

Weight at this point last pregnancy: 72kg
Waist at this point last pregnancy: 87cm

I am determined to not exceed the weight milestones I had last pregnancy. Because I am starting off 4kg heavier my goal is simply to not gain anything until I reach the milestone I was at last time when I got to 76kg pregnant. That was 28 weeks.

There is a good chance that I'll lose weight over the next couple of months anyway, as I've cut out all the bad things and will be concentrating on getting fit and strong while I still can. Today I did one of the 10-minute tummy workouts my Dad sent me, and I went for an hour's brisk walk along the river.

Other women like being pregnant because they get to put on weight guilt-free. I like pregnancy because I have an incentive to get fit!