Book Review - Blueprint by Lynnette Vaughn

I read a lot of books from the library - at least one a week. This is one I picked up because the cover was interesting.

Firstly, Lynnette, if you find this via google... I'm really sorry. I hated your book.

The premise is that Christian souls are reincarnated again and again throughout the universe until they have learned all the needed lessons. Before each incarnation the soul gets to choose their parents, location and goals - the "blueprint" - then off they go and hope for the best.

In this case the soul, Arielle, has a bunch of (way too many to keep track of) friends over for dinner (no one needs to eat, they just do it for fun and you can't get fat. But you do get hangovers. Meh) and they each get to suggest a path she could follow... and most of them decide to tag along as players. Arielle amalgamates their suggestions into one life path and picks whom of her friends will embody main characters.

Then suddenly Arielle is hustled off to get born with her blueprint unfinished, and her friends have to finalise it...

And that was it. That's the book. The whole thing was just a prologue! It took me about 2 hours to read, although I admit I went faster and faster until I was super-skimming because: I hated it. Thank heavens it was short!

I'm a bit of a pedant when it comes to spelling and grammar. Well, I say pedant... it's only pedantic when you correct your friends or husband. When reading a published novel I demand correct spelling and grammar!

(These are not verbatim quotes, just how I remember them)

Misplaced apostrophes! "you're book" (no I'm not)
Wrong word choices! "Of Irish decent" (descent)
Spelling errors! "Whoppi Goldberg" (In the same para with Whoopi spelled right)
Bad quotes! "Yes. Arielle said" (eh?)
Questions lack question marks and statements get them.

Right, so that's just spelling and grammar, which gave me a headache.

The story itself was irritating. Of course everyone is gorgeous. And witty (apparently). But for thousands-year-old souls they're a bit uninformed. They ask silly questions about religeon and reincarnation, which one would assume they'd know by now. If the characters were new souls just starting their journey I'd get it, but they are not, therefore it is a condescending device to educate the reader about the author's views. Heaven, as she writes it, sounds really dull - I'd be drinking in spite of the hangovers.

Lynette, you self-published this book didn't you? I wish you'd had the funds to hire a proofreader and an editor too. I see you are about to publish the "sequel" to this story... I will not be reading it.

Book Review: The Book of Joby

I haven't done one of these in ages. I am still reading at least one book a week, it's just that they don't often grab me enough to tell you about them!

Here's an exception: The Book of Joby by Mark J Ferrari

I read a lot, and it's a general potluck. I wander into the library after work, browse the shelves for a few minutes, pick up a couple of books and walk out. My local library is a bit limited in English fiction, and heavily biased towards Australian authors (which is ok, I just wish it was more balanced) so my choices are not extensive. I choose a book by look and feel if I don't know the author...

Last week I picked up a hefty tome with an unassuming cover and an intriguing title: "The Book of Joby". The blurb told me it was going to be about God and the Devil and the fate of creation, with a bit of Arthurian legend thrown in. Awesome.

The story revolves around a 9 year old boy, Joby, who at the start of the story is gloriously obsessed with being a knight in the service of the King Arthur of his favourite book. I was a dreamer as a child and I can totally relate to Joby's state of mind. This is a child every parent hopes to be blessed with - he's almost too good to be true. Then of course his trials begin...

...and continue for nearly 3 decades of misery and disappointment.

I won't spoil the story but it never gets so dark that you want to walk away. Characters get depressed and angry but not to the point where you don't like them any more. The author spends a lot of time describing magic and love and beauty, always just out of reach and always a beacon in the depths of despair. During the first couple of chapters I was grumbling at the sheer plethora of adjectives - the author wouldn't use one if two were available - but then I got sucked into the rhythm of the prose and stopped noticing. And couldn't put the book down until I finished it - at 1am!

I'm not sure how well the story would work if you didn't have a grounding in Christianity (old and new testament) and Arthurian legend. I think you'd miss out on a lot if you'd never heard of Lancelot or Lucifer. But if you do, then you'll enjoy having them weaved together.

It's a magical book. When I finished it I wanted to start it all over again!

PS. There are no dragons. There is a dragon on the cover but no dragons in the story. Oh well, you can't have everything!

Twilight - revisited

Every read a book so annoying that you can't get it out of your head?

Twilight... yeah.

Among the many many things I couldn't get my head around was that a group of 100-year-old teen-looking vampires have to repeat high school and college over and over and over again... "to fit in". So I googled it to see if anyone had a decent reason and wound up in very like minded company.

I have lost approximately 3 work days here and I'm only halfway through the thread. If you are thinking of reading Twilight or the rest of the books, read this instead. It will take just as long but is better written and a lot more entertaining!

Also a very funny and snarky synopsis of all the books here.

When I finish this thread I will be looking to see what other books they are snarking about!

The Graveyard Book - Audiobook

I've been a blog fan of Neil Gaiman for some time. He's the author of Stardust, which was made into a movie in I think 2007 (and many other books). I'd read Stardust years before and adored the movie which I saw in an open air cinema, lolling on beanbags with too much wine (I had to get it on DVD later to see the ending again properly!).

For several months now his The Graveyard Book has been making waves in literary circles and I was itching to get my hands on it. In the last few days before Christmas I lurked in the bookshop drooling over it, but financial constraints prevailed and I walked away without it.

Imagine my surprise and delight on Christmas morning when one of Milord's presents to me turned out to be the audiobook of The Graveyard Book - an unabridged 7 hours read by Neil Gaiman himself! I'd not mentioned it, and Milord had never heard of the author - how on Earth had he bought me exactly what I wanted?!

It turns out that Milord was shopping online for audio books for me (I listen to them on the bus), and under the Sci Fi category he saw Terry Pratchett who I knew I liked, and Terry Pratchett has co-authored a book or two with Neil Gaiman and the name stuck in his head. The following day he was in the bookshop and spotted The Graveyard Book, and bought it on the strength of that tenuous connection!

I was stunned. Milord was stunned that I was stunned.

I'm on disk 5 and loving it. Neil has a brilliant reading voice, switching pitch, accent and inflection depending on which character is speaking. It is a series of tales based around a child raised in a graveyard by the dead...

Apparently it's inspired by Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book, which I will now have to get my hands on and read again for the first time since I was a little kid!

Twilight

Did I mention that I got the novel Twilight for Christmas? I'd been intrigued because so many women of all ages seemed to be hooked, and I love me a good vampire story.

I read it cover to cover on Christmas Day while sick in bed. It's a good read and hard to put down,

...but....

...quite simply I won't be buying any more in the series.

No spoilers here, but I just couldn't really connect with any of the characters. The female lead is irresistible to living men and vampire men, because... she's pretty and smells good. The male lead is irresistible to everyone because... he's beautiful and smells good. You couldn't imagine just sitting down with either of them over a cup of coffee for a good chat.

And whenever she tries to snog him she faints. Big whoop.

Book Review - Wintersmith

Wintersmith - Terry Pratchett

Review Summary: Not bad for a "young adult" book, and you can never go wrong with Discworld stories.

Plot Summary: Young novice witch attracts the attention of Winter, and has to get rid of him so that Summer can return or else the world will end.

Review:

I've read almost all the Terry Pratchett Discworld books out there, and Milord gave me this one for Christmas. Bless him, he didn't realise that it's a "young adult" book, or that it is book 3 of a series. I haven't told him yet...

I'm going to start by saying that I love Discworld stories, and that the Witches are my favourite characters after Death. I did find that this book does not stand well alone - read the others first (I haven't). There is too much backstory left out regarding our young heroine Tiffany and her army of Scottish pixies - who steal every scene they are in.

I read the book in one sitting on a lazy day, and as with all Terry Pratchett's books it's a rollicking read and you won't want to put it down. The ending felt a bit pat and there wasn't much character development, but maybe that's a "young adult" thing - I haven't read this sort of book in a long time. It could have been a lot darker, and a lot longer - months skip by in a blink. Girls rule, boys are wussy, witches rock, respect the planet, and having snowflakes in your image is cool.

So, enjoyable, give it to your tweenie daughters along with books 1 and 2.

Book Review - Temple

Temple - Matthew Reilly

Review Summary: Pure bollocks, but entertaining if you're in the mood. Lots of gore, no sex, and very silly.

Plot Summary: Mild mannered linguist morphs into Indiana Jones and saves the world through feats of inhuman strength and ability in the jungles of Peru. Several times. Without losing his hat or glasses.

Review:

So, there's this young professor of ancient latin at some American university, who gets asked by the army to help them translate an ancient latin document en route to Peru, with his old flame as part of the team.

The document was written by some Spanish priest back during the Spanish conquest of Peru... which is interesting because it is written in a very modern style, complete with dialogue and exclamations. Anyhoo - it relates the tale of this priest helping an Incan prince run away with some sacred idol deep into the jungle, being chased by nasty nasty Spanish soldiers. They reach some village surrounded by giant man-chasing alligators, fend of giant man-chasing panthers, and stash the idol in a temple on top of a very very high pillar of rock reached by a rope bridge.

Our hero translates all this, they find the village where they are captured by German special forces who open the temple unleashing giant man-chasing panthers who are impervious to machine guns. Oh yeah and then a Nazi doomsday cult attacks and takes the idol...

After this it got really silly and I can't be arsed to write any more. I did finish the book but it was a struggle.

I don't think I'll be reading him again.