"I am not beautiful like you, I am beautiful like me"
There are a group of bloggers out there trying to write posts for the future generation to inspire them to be happy in their own skins, and to help them accept people who don't appear on magazine covers... This is sparked by one of the posts on the subject of "What features/qualities would we like today's children to see as beautiful?".
Milord is super critical of other people's appearance. Which is particularly unkind when you consider that he himself is a battered rugby survivor, balding and overweight. (I don't mind obviously - he was that way when I met him - his personality is what made me look twice and eventually cross the planet to be his wife.)
He mocks overweight people especially. I remember when one of his nieces hit 16 and suddenly discovered that food sticks to your thighs once you become a grownup. He was so rude, and to her face too! Like the poor girl didn't know she was chunking up, having her uncle point it out to her can't have helped her self image.
The other day we were driving along and passed a very pregnant woman (they are everywhere since I joined the club!). "Pregnant!" I said. "and Fat!" he said. What? I craned around in my seat - I hadn't thought she was fat. A little rounded in the bum area perhaps, but nothing major considering she's in her third trimester.
Obviously this makes me super self-conscious. Knowing that your husband thinks a normally plump pregnant woman looks grossly fat is not a good thing as you enter the major growth stage of your own pregnancy! At the one time in my life I am "allowed to be fat" I don't dare relax. Shitshitshit.
Actually I've been so very lucky. I am the poster girl for pregnancy. No sickness, glowing, no greasiness, all my weight gain has been bump, no mood swings. "You haven't changed at all!" he said to me last night. Apart from the lethargy and bump I suppose, but I know what he means. But it could have been sooooo different - I guess that makes him so very lucky too!
My sister said something that jarred a while ago. She apologised for nicknaming me "Fatty" when we were children, and commented that our family had always been so focused on being thin that I must have struggled with being the fat kid (it's true, I was a fat lazy kid who only hit her teen growth spurt at 16. There are no photos of me between the ages of 12 and 16 - I destroyed them all.) Funny, I'd forgotten that. For as long as I can remember (and still to this day) my Mom was dieting and my Dad was exercising. When I was 13 Mom would wake me early before school to join her for an aerobics video, and we'd do fad diets together. Dad would takes us running to and from the exercise park in the evening. I'd hide junk food under my bed and binge on it when no one was looking.
I had incredible issues with self-worth in my late teens and early twenties. I let myself be treated very badly by a series of idiotic boys because I felt I deserved nothing more. The silly thing is that by that point I was slender, gorgeous and high achieving, but I just didn't feel it. It took me many years to shake off the fat-girl self-image and stand tall and today my husband can't imagine me putting up with disrespect. There is still a little part of me that would like to tear the throat out of anyone who calls me fat, and that spills into the defence of other people...
One of these days I will be having a little girl. Milord is already saying things like "our child will never be fat!"
You know what? Maybe she will be fat. I was. All we can do is teach good nutrition and hope she likes sport, but you can't dictate anything. What we will not do is call her fat (even if I have to beat my husband to a pulp).
So back on topic - what would I like my child to find beautiful in themselves and others? I'd like her to be able to see past things like weight. I want her to know that there is a lot more to being worthy of respect than appearance, and that if she is on the heavy side she still deserves to be treated like a princess. And I, in turn, will do everything in my power to protect her from people who want to call her fat.
