Monday, 8 November 2010

Bad Poems 3

I'm posting some very old poems that I wrote when I was 17 and 18. Some I knew were terrible at the time!

I think these two are both about a chap I dated briefly in my last year of high school. I'm positive we only snogged (badly), so why he deserved such vitriol I have no idea!

Malicious Verse

When you read this, if you can,
You will discover, nasty man,
That my opinion, you great nit,
Would be hard on a pail of shit.

You gross, slime-minded scummy toad,
So like what’s been smeared in the road,
Your stagnant, reeking, dirty thoughts
Would make a slug feel out of sorts.

Bile rises at the sight of you,
You uninspiring used tissue.
Oh, all in all you have less charm
Than bird droppings on a pig farm.

You’re utterly pathetic when
You try to act as other men:
Yes, all of you from head to toe
Is so repulsive, don’t you know.

Your feeble trying to impress
Makes all respect you even less.
Why don’t you just throw in the towel
Before frustration makes you howl.

I do not like you, you can tell,
So bugger off and go to hell.

April 1989

Ode to a moron

We heard a rumor just last week,
A tale that made us stop and shriek
With laughter, anger, shock and rage,
A story that would stun a sage.

It seems some stupid, macho prick,
Whose sad, self-centered, dumb and thick
Ideas would make a worm think twice
Before he sprung them ‘fore our eyes,

Has been spouting, throughout town,
A boast that proves him such a clown.
He says that at the Social he,
All innocence and purity,

Was pestered, hounded, set upon
‘Til all his patience was quite gone.
It seems that two of his “old flames”
Succumbed to passion and played games

With his emotions, and the night
Soon lost all joy and all delight.
The Social seemed quite drab and grim
With these two hussies chasing him.

He said this to a friend of ours
Who straight collapsed with mirth for hours,
Because she knows, as do we all,
This brain-dead twerp does not hold thrall

O’er either of us two, and we,
Although receiving this with glee,
Were also upset and incensed
At his guy’s cheek and felt most tense.

We then conspired together to
Choose fitting penance just for you
And thus wrote this, so from now on
Do kindly take the hint, moron.

May 1989


waterbob said...

Another couple of good ones Chick. It's amazing how being rude flows off the page, that's just the way I like my country songs and probably why I enjoyed your poetry as well.

Janey said...

Wow! How about doing one about Julius Malema? Nothing else gets through his thick skin, but a poem from you might do the trick!

greytonsal said...

Golly, golly, gosh! Loved the vitriol flowing like snake venom! Glad I was not at the other end! But loved the verse too, doesn't it feel nice to be able sound off and still be clever!

Lisa said...

ahahahah! You are SO very clever! I love this.