Sunday, 20 November 2011

In Vino Veritas

Feeling a bit blue today.

Last night Milord was several sheets to the wind when I offered what I thought was constructive criticism on his failed gravy... and he blew up. "F*** you! I give you everything and I get nothing back!" etc etc etc while I sat in wide eyed silence.

He's under a lot of stress at work, and has been covering for someone on leave too for a couple of weeks. He'd had Princess all morning for swimming, took King for 5 clingy hours in the afternoon, and had cooked us dinner which hadn't turned out quite how he wanted. He's been turning down cocktail evenings and cutting pub visits short to be home to help me wrangle the kids through their evening routine.

I know he misses having a social life. Hell, I haven't had an evening free... since April I think when Mom was here. I rarely have 15 minutes free of the kids on a weekday. I didn't think I was personally responsible for Milord's lack of social life though - he chose to have this family too. I need him to help me in the evenings - yes I could cope but it's no fun managing bathtime or reading a story with a screaming infant in one arm!

I thought I was doing enough in return. The kids are clean and fed and mostly well mannered. The house is sort of tidy and the groceries are packed away. We have clean clothes, towels and sheets. I make a point of thanking Milord for being such a good husband and dad, and for coming home in time to help me. I even initiate sex sometimes when both kids are asleep and Milord is awake... which is a rare alignment of planets!

I honestly don't know what else I could give. Apart from not expecting him to be straight home after work and around on weekends I suppose... but I don't want to be on my own for evenings and weekends!

So Milord had his rant, and I resumed trying to settle King while pondering where my marriage had gone so wrong. Half an hour later Milord apologised, saying he'd realised he was talking rubbish, and hugged me and I wept. Then Milord went to sleep and I carried on settling the baby.

Ironically Milord is out all day today playing golf.

This morning Milord took the 5am feed so I got 2 hours extra sleep, and he cooked us an awesome breakfast, and he apologised again... but I am still blue. Is my marriage in trouble without me noticing? Have I fallen into the trap of being such a focused mother that my husband feels he is neglected?

What do I do? I'd love to have Date Nights, or join Milord in the pub etc, but I think King is too little (and demanding) to be left with non-family for an evening, and I have no family here to help me. He's also too demanding for us to even consider having friends over for dinner!

I think we are probably ok, and it's just a rocky patch while the baby is so needy. Princess was jolly awkward until 4 months old, and then she started settling at 7pm and we got our lives back a little.


waterbob said...

May I suggest that sometimes things are what they are. We all flip at times and lash out and remorse cuts in but the lash is still there. So long as you guys are talking, accept the apology and fight through these months until your boy grows big enough to give you both some real room to enjoy it all and each other.

greytonsal said...

Don't worry, it happens to us all. You are both busy people and have little time for the social life you may perhaps wish you could lead. It will pass in time and things will loosen up for you both. I sometimes think we all expect a little too much and it really hurts when you are giving everything to try and make things run smoothly and then it seems you have been in cloud cuckoo land after all! Keep on as you are. At least you are talking and he has apologised. It is hard for you both, but kids do grow up and then you wish they hadn't! Hang in there and keep covering your family in your love. You are doing everything right! That can be seen by how fabulous your kids are.