Monday, 3 December 2012

A Day in the Life of Saffa Chick

6am: Dawn. King awakes. Some initial grumbles and then goo-gahs and so on as he plays with the toys in his cot. Thank god we have daylight saving in my state - otherwise this would be 5am!

6:30am. Princess joins in the singing with her version of nursery rhymes. I send a mental apology-in-advance to my Mom who is going to be moving into their room in a week!

6:45am. More grumbles than singing: time to get up. Milord and I roll out of bed, tidy the covers, throw on some clothes and stumble out of our room. I heat a bottle of milk, fill the kettle, tune in the news channel and intercept Princess on her way to join me.

"Let's take off your soggy nappy and put on some dry pants. Do you need a tinkle?"
"I don't want to take my nappy off! It isn't soggy! I don't need a tinkle! I want to go to the lounge room! I want to play on the iPad!"

She runs away from me - arguing ensues - Milord passes me carrying King and starts feeding him milk - I finally drag Princess into the bathroom and place her on the loo - she does a wee while I take away her sodden night-nappy.

"I don't want you to brush my hair! I want to go to the lounge room!"

I brush her hair with lots of detangler - dry pants on - we emerge into the lounge room and I get the iPad set up next to a bottle of water - make 2 cups of coffee - King has finished his milk and is roaming the floor, trying to reach the iPad - I barricade Princess with a few boxes of toys so he can't get to it.

Christ, it's only 7am!

7:30am. Milord finishes his second coffee, showers, and heads off for work by bicycle. I make the kids raisin toast (well, raisin bread for King actually as he's not quite up for toast yet) and feed King his cube by cube in the highchair while Princess eats hers on the fly in front of the TV.

8:30am. Clean kitchen, empty and reload dishwasher, set a load of laundry going.

9am. Put King to bed for a nap. Set out a snack of dried fruit for Princess. Take a shower and dress for the day. Nothing fits - this stay-at-home-mum gig does nothing for my waistline! Drag Princess protesting to the toilet and dress her in day clothes too. Hang out the washing.

10am. King wakes. Change his nappy, dress him in day clothes, put him in the pram with a biscuit and head for the door.

10:30am. We finally reach the main road having looked at all the house numbers, picked flowers, jumped in puddles and stomped in crunchy leaf litter. This distance takes me 2 minutes alone! We continue to the supermarket, stopping to talk about the fish in the fishmonger's window and the meat in the butcher's window. Luckily the brothel is no more than a lurid neon-lit stairway!

11:30am. Having had "help" shopping for groceries and having said "No. Stop. Leave it. Put it back. I'm not getting that. No. No. No." a million times we are finally out of the shop. Princess has a lollipop as this is the only way to get her past the sodding sweets at checkout. Every supermarket manager should be made to shop with their toddler for a week straight and then get asked about sweets at the checkout!

Noon. We check the PO Box at the post office and go for a snack at a nearby coffee shop. I order a huge pasta as I have forgotten to eat today, and both kids share it with me. I do manage one bite in about 5! Then we head home again...

1pm. King is in bed for a nap but Princess sadly no longer needs an afternoon nap. We do a bit of painting and some play-doh and a snack of cheese and biscuits, then I fill the paddling pool outside and Princess has a splash about while I sit close by reading my book. Not actually on my stunning daybed though, as that is an invitation for being leaped upon! I'm a bit fed up with being constantly clambered, jumped and leaped on.

3pm. King is awake. He has a biscuit or two and tries to take away or interfere with anything his sister is into. Thank goodness he isn't walking yet - Princess can escape by climbing onto the couch!

3:10pm. Princess wets the couch copiously in spite of being asked repeated if she needs a wee. WTF!? I am seriously annoyed but hopefully keep my demeanor no worse than just disappointed. Wash Princess and change her clothes. Wash the couch cushions. Pour a glass of wine.

4:30pm. The kid's dinner of crumbed chicken, oven chips and roast pumpkin is in the oven. Broccoli florets are ready to steam in the microwave. Both of them are hungry and grumpy but if they snack now they will not eat dinner. Pour more wine.

5pm. We all sit at the dining table and I feed King his dinner bit by bit (if he has more than one morsel in front of him he will fling it across the room) while coaxing Princess to eat hers. She tries to climb on the table and under the table and to run off... "I'm full!" "You are not! Come back here and eat your broccoli or you will go to your room!".

5:30pm. I give up, eat Princess' leftovers and let both kids get down. Bring in the washing.

6pm. Bathtime. King can't wait to get in but I have to catch Princess and strip her screaming into the bath. Pour more wine.

6:15pm. Milord arrives home to kids squabbling in the bath and his lush of a wife nearly a bottle of wine down. He has a large glass of water and chats about his day in the bathroom doorway and pours me more wine.

6:30pm. Milord takes King out of the bath and dries and dresses him and gives him some milk. By now he has a glass of wine too.

6:45pm. Princess does not want to get out of the bath. I have to use the threat of no books and straight to bed before she reluctantly gets out. We join Milord and King in the lounge room and read a couple of books. Princess is constantly trying to jump on me or run off and only the real threat of immediate bed keeps her next to me!

7pm. Teeth cleaning and bed for them both. Oh. Thank. God. Collapse next to Milord and listen to the kids singing while we watch the evening news.

7:30pm. Go into the kid's room and turn out the lights and tuck Princess in (she is usually asleep now, while King is often still playing). Cook the grownup's dinner. Pour more wine.

9pm. Raid the cupboards and snack on Princess' dried fruit, chips and chocolate! Finish the wine.

9:30pm. Bed time! I will be checking on the kids at least once in the night, and dawn comes so very early...

Yes, I chose this life. Yes, I could pay someone else to do most of it. No, I wouldn't miss it for the world! (most of the time)

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