11 Weeks

I still don't know how other new moms blog as much as they do. When I have free time I run around cleaning and tidying, then I make a meal and sit down with my book for half an hour before Princess is up again. I'm lucky if I keep up with my emails, and there I cheat anyway because I know a lot of my friends and family keep tabs on me here!

Princess is nearly 11 weeks old.

She is now sleeping for a least an 8 hour stretch most nights. Her evening "Toxic Time" where she will not settle for up to 4 hours after 6pm, which makes preparing and eating dinner very difficult, seems to be easing. That started in week 5, so we've have 6 weeks of awkward evenings. This is normal, all babies do it, and it seems to be their way of tanking up on food at nightfall. Lately she is still ratty at 6pm no matter how I schedule her naps or how much I let her eat, but she's settling earlier and earlier. We now get her down between 8 and 9, and then she has a good long sleep.

Of course this means that she is waking around 4am or 5am for a feed, but at least I've had 6 hours sleep by then myself. Generally I can grab another hour or two from 5 or 6am too. Once she starts sleeping from 7pm-ish I'll consider waking her at 10pm for a "dreamfeed" to hopefully get her to sleep until dawn and so fit in with her parent's sleeping paterns!


We're getting lots of smiles and I'm sure she did a little giggle yesterday. It is so nice to be getting something back after all this tending. We also have gurgles and coos: "ahgha" and "oooeh" in this tiny girlie voice, with eye contact and a little smile - oh so cute! If I repeat the sounds back to her she'll do them again a few times. Milord thinks I'm losing my mind, and now I know why people googoo at babies!

Of course with the new vocal range we're also getting better howls and screams when she's hungry/wet/tired/gassy/hot/bright. Did you know a tired baby can be happily cooing in your arms and then will suddenly scream their head off for a couple of minutes before conking out completely? Huh.

Bathtime is becoming more fun, although I spend most of my time trying to stop her drinking the bathwater! I took her into the shower with me last weekend... she didn't seem to mind unless the spray was actually bouncing off my shoulders into her face. The spray onto her own back and head was fine. I'm glad - I figure teaching her to swim will be a lot easier if she doesn't mind getting her face wet.


Milord and I are making an effort to have quality time together lately. I realised last week that several days had gone by without a hug between us because Princess was always in the way. When she was asleep we'd be busy or asleep ourselves. That's no way to run a marriage! While we're being terrific parents we also have to remember to be good husband and wife too.

As for me, my weight is horrible. I have rejoined Weightwatchers and hope this plus the walking I make a point of getting out to do will start having an effect. I am 3kg over my pre-pregnancy weight. This isn't a huge amount but it's just not shifting and I can't fit into my old trousers, shorts and summer dresses. Growl. Wish me luck!

Mom leaves England today to travel here. She'll arrive on Monday morning and I can't wait! I'm planning walks in the park, coffee overlooking the beach, and picnics and beer gardens and all sorts of granny-and-baby-friendly stuff.


Mommy was too lazy to hoik out the baby bath...

Routines

It is a very hot day - over 35C - and I am indoors with all the doors and windows closed. My thermometer says it is 28C inside and with a fan blowing on me it's quite nice, really.

Princess should be asleep for an hour. Let's see if I can catch up on some posting. I'm getting a bit slack. I know I should post about being a mommy for my own reference - this is my diary after all. But others read my diary - won't they get bored?

Hmm. Too bad. Someday I may have a life outside baby smiles and interesting poo, but honestly this is kind of it for me right now, so I guess that's what I'll be posting!

So.


Princess is 2 months old, and 9 weeks old today. The time has flown, although it also feels like forever. Was I ever not a mommy? Who was that cashed-up carefree person?

I wrote down some point-form notes to blog about. Looking at them they say rather a lot so I'll just post 'em as they are:

sleeping thru
pesto poo
smiles (mostly for Dad)
legs in air
kicking into corners
size 00
outgrowing bassinette
eyes dark blue
enjoying baths a lot more

weaned off breastfeeding
back in C cups
back in pretty underwire bras!
weight not good

That's pretty much it in a nutshell!

Princess has begun to settle into a routine now - not an imposed one, just one she's fallen into. She wakes about 7am for a feed and plays and naps until 10 when she feeds and then has a long sleep until about 2. Then feed and play and nap until 6 when she's suddenly a cranky little nibbling thing until between 9 and 10 when she suddenly goes to sleep. If we're lucky she'll sleep through to 7 the next morning. If not then she'll wake at 2am for another feed.

She's "slept though" (8 hours or more in one go) for the last 3 nights in a row! Of course Milord and I start waking after 5 hours to look at the clock and to check the monitor is working every 15 minutes because we are now so used to waking in the night! I'm still tired though, as there is a fair bit of sleep debt.

On the whole she's a very happy baby. The evening crankiness is normal at this age. Poor Milord gets home from work at 6pm just as she becomes a pain in the butt! Luckily (although we'd rather he had more work) he's only working 3 days (his company is in trouble and has made him semi-redundant) a week, so he sees her in happy mode for the other 4.

As for me, I'm getting a routine too. This week looks like this:

Mon: exercise in park, lunch with friends, change and wash bed linen
Tue: Mothers Group, blog, snooze
Wed: exercise in park, clean bathrooms
Thu: Milord home, clean floors
Fri: Milord home, exercise in park, change and wash towels
Sat/Sun: Papers in bed, late brunches, catch up with friends

My weight is not going down. It will, as soon as I stop eating so much! We have a bowl of Halloween candy hanging around at the moment which really doesn't help. At least I am now having a bit of exercise to boost my metabolism.

Princess Update

Ooh, where did the week go? All is great here, we've just been busy...

I've decided that as Princess is 7 weeks old it is time to get more structure in my life, and to get out and exercise several times a week to get my body back in shape. My metabolism had flatlined - I wasn't eating all that much but I was beginning to gain weight on top of the 2kg of baby weight I still have. Unacceptable!

There is a huge stunning park about half an hour from home called Centennial Park. It's enormous and has playing fields, lakes, ponds, horse and cycle tracks, and a 40min pedestrian/pram circuit. I have set myself the goal of doing the circuit with Princess in her pram 3 times a week.

So that takes up most of 3 of my weekdays - I try to get out of the door by 10, finish the circuit at midday, and then relax under a tree with my book. Lovely, and it feels great to be out of the house! Princess doesn't mind where she sleeps, eats or has her nappy changed so that's easy provided I have enough gear with me.

...damn, lost the rest of this post and now I don't have time to rewrite it. Oh well.

Princess Update

Princess is 6 weeks old! This is supposed to be a major milestone, after which this motherhood thing gets easier, less tiring and more fun.

...I'm still waiting.

Oh, parenthood is awesome, it just can't be called "fun" yet. I can't wait until Princess recognises me and smiles, or the random arm swinging becomes deliberate reaching for things. She is doing the odd long sleep at night, and on Wednesday she slept from 11pm to 6am which I reckon counts as "sleeping through". Of course since then she's back to a maximum of 4 hours sleep, or 3 hours like last night. Oh well. It will come.

I'm finding the boob/formula routine I've worked out to be a good thing. I breastfeed at dawn and dusk, when there is no rush to get out or go back to sleep. Because we have to drain both boobs and then follow with half a bottle it takes ages! The rest of the time she drinks a bottle in about 20min, which I can do anywhere at the drop of a hat.

I hear folk say bottle feeding is a pain because of sterilising and heating and mixing... I haven't found it a problem though. I have 4 bottles so there is always at least one ready for use, pre-filled with boiled water. My microwave sterilises in 3 minutes and heats the water in 30 sec. If I go out I take boiling hot water in a bottle inside a beer cooler (!) and when Princess needs it it is usually still warm and I throw in a sachet of formula and shake. Not that she's fussy about such things - I got caught out and fed her a cold bottle the other day and she didn't mind at all!

I have the best husband in the world!

Last weekend he volunteered to do the night feeds on Friday and Saturday nights. We still get up together and I change Princess while Milord readies himself and the formula, I deliver her to him and I go. back. to. sleep! This gives me an extra hour's sleep per feeding cycle and it is the best present a girl could wish for. A friend asked why we get up together at all - the person feeding should do the lot. I disagree. We both wake up when Princess cries anyway, and it means a lot to the feeder to have Princess changed and comforted while they have a chance to have a wee, pour a glass of water, heat the formula, find the TV remote and the burp cloth, and settle into the armchair.

Plus doing it all in the middle of the night is very lonely. I've done it a couple of times when Milord was exhausted and needed a solid night's sleep, and it's a bit miserable - especially when you forget the remote out of reach!

Princess Update

Sheesh, how do other mommy bloggers do it? I've been writing this post for 3 days!

Princess is just over 5 weeks old.


Average Feeding Cycle: 3 to 4-hourly
Average Feeding Time: Bottle - 20 min. Boob and bottle - 50 min.
Approximate Weight: 4kg
Average Saffa Chick sleep: 2 or 3 hours per night feed cycle, one 1 hour nap during the day. Total: 6 to 8 hours. (This past week I had a few late nights and missed the first sleep period each time, plus I missed a few afternoon naps. I was running on 4 hours sleep a night, and ready to kill!)

Most babies hit a growth spurt during weeks 5 and 6, need more food, and will feed almost constantly for up to 4 hours every night. Princess is following this model like clockwork!

Sadly, my boobs are just not performing to requirement any more. We had a few truly miserable days where I never seemed to have enough to satisfy her. Feedings moved from 4-hourly to 3-hourly again, sometimes 2-hourly. My nipples ached and we were both getting very frustrated. The formula feed I tested for my babysitters made us realise that there was another option, and after several hours of angry baby-munching on my boobs last Friday evening we mixed up a bottle and she drained it. And was happy.

I am now supplementing my breastmilk with formula, and I believe that Princess is getting the best of both worlds - the antibodies from me and her hunger satisfied by the formula. I've decided to breastfeed dawn and dusk (plus bottle top-up), and formula feed the rest of the time, mainly to get my boobs into a routine so that they don't engorge and leak at awkward moments! I thought I'd struggle with this, but after just one day of discomfort (and waking up drenched in milk) I'm now only full at morning and evening. Isn't the body amazing?

I've very conflicted. On the one hand I am disappointed that I can't be supermom and meet all my baby's needs myself, and I'm scared of what the breastfeeding Nazis are going to say to me when they see me give Princess a bottle. On the other it is wonderful to have a contented baby, and for others to be able to feed Princess while I do something else. I was rather teary for a day or two about it, but Milord and his sister were very supportive, as were the couple of friends I have told so far. At the end of the day - if baby and mum are happy and healthy, does it really matter all that much?

At least I managed a full month of exclusive breastfeeding... *sigh*

Hey Kat - recognise the blanket you knitted? We call it "The Kat-blanket"!

Princess is as adorable as ever. I can't get over how fast she is growing. She is just out of her 0000 sized clothes and the 000 items are fitting. She spends time staring intently at our faces, and her grasp is amazing - I have to gently unclench her hands from my top when I put her down. My days of wearing necklaces are nearly over, and I'm glad I have short hair! She also has jolly sharp fingernails - I gently file them down while she sleeps after a feed every week or two. She had her first manicure at 5 days old!

Princess seems to have fuzz growing over her bald head-top, so now my baby has a bad mullet rather than male-pattern baldness. Not sure which is worse! She has had a peeling forehead and head-top for a couple of weeks (normal - "cradle cap"), and pimples (normal - "milk rash"). This is all caused by my hormones slowly leaving her system... they say that at 3 months she'll have perfect skin again.

A typical "good" day:

• we all sleep from 10pm-ish the night before...


• 1:00am - 2:00am feed


• sleep (me: sleep)


• 5:00am - 6:00am feed


• sleep (me: sleep)


• 7:30 Milord gets up and goes to work


• 9:00am - 10:00am feed


• sleep (me: shower, dress, laundry, dishes, tidying, cleaning, breakfast)


• 1pm - 2pm feed


• sleep (me: lunch and nap OR lunch, shopping, bills, budget, email, blog)


• 4:30pm bath


• 5pm - 9:30pm cluster feed (Milord plays tag with me as we get dinner ready and eat)


• 10pm Princess is in bed and Milord and I will follow shortly.

Notice there is nothing there about exercise - I haven't quite managed to fit that into my day yet! Or socialising... I assume I'll get the hang of it sometime!

On a "bad" day Princess does not sleep, or not for very long, and I am lucky to manage the shower and meal items of my to-do list! I've been lucky so far this week though - she's sleeping well.


We had Milord's sister and 12-year-old niece for a week recently. I'm lucky with my in-laws. Milord's sister was happy to help with anything I asked, from cooking to cleaning to minding Princess while I showered or napped. The niece is a very nice child who is itching to play with her new cousin. However, I find that having them gone is an enormous relief... I can read my book, watch what I want to on TV, go to bed early without feeling like a bad hostess, and I don't have to hear them using baby-talk - to Princess and to each other! Ugh, hearing a 12-year-old talk to her mum in squeaky lisping baby-speak is nauseating. Milord and I haven't used baby-talk with Princess so far, and after hearing it for a week we've agreed to never do so!

They did give Milord and me a night out "alone" last Friday though, which was wonderful. We went to a pub for a couple of drinks, and then for dinner at a little restaurant. After an hour and a half we agreed to try to talk about something other than the baby, and after 2 hours we were both itching to call home to check on her, but resisted! We got home to find that Princess had been an angel. A perfect date night!

Mom is arriving in about a month's time to spend a few weeks with us, and I'm sure she'll give us a date night too... I'm already looking forward to it! What's more, she has foolishly volunteered to have Princess in her room, and to get up and change and feed her in the night to let Milord and me rest. Wow. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to that!!! We haven't slept for longer than a couple of 4-hour stretches in nearly 6 weeks. While we're coping, the thought of an uninterrupted 8 hours gives me the shivers.


I hear other new parents out there are saying "No one told us it was going to be this hard!". Well, when I was pregnant I was told by everyone I know with kids, and by complete strangers in the street, that it was going to be hard. And it is. I try not to moan about it here, but I've had a few meltdowns over the past 5 weeks. I have sat literally weeping with frustration holding Princess in the pre-dawn hours while she feeds for the umpteenth time, or simply will not settle and LET ME SLEEP.

All I can say is the best advice I was given: Take it one day at a time.

Oh, and TELL your partner what you need - Milord didn't realise that getting dinner on the table was my biggest problem until I went to pieces about it after 3 weeks!

Princess Update

Princess is one month old today! Happy montheversary darling girl ;-)


Average Feeding Cycle: 3 to 4-hourly
Average Feeding Time: 35 min.
Approximate Weight: 3.5kg
Average Saffa Chick sleep: 2 or 3 hours per night feed cycle, one 1 hour nap during the day. Total: 6 to 8 hours.


Princess is starting to sleep for longer periods and she rarely has a feeding cycle shorter than 3 hours (except for cluster feeding in the evenings). Milord and I moved her into her own room a week ago because she is just too noisy in the night, and we really enjoyed the 2 and 3 hour sleeps we were getting! Yesterday Milord's sister and niece arrived to give us a hand for a week and we took Princess back into our room as the baby's room is also the guest room... tonight Princess will be sleeping in the lounge! Snuffle, grunt, mutter, whimper - it is just too much!

Milord's sister has taken over kitchen duties to give us both a break, and it is great to have another pair of hands to pass Princess to when she is unsettled. Friday night she will be babysitting and Milord and I are going out to dinner - we are quite excited!

I have expressed 125ml for Friday night (over 2 weeks - expressing doesn't really work for me). Being a breastfed baby I actually have no idea how much Princess usually needs for a feed and I am worried that it won't be enough. Today I decided to try Princess on a bottle of fomula to see if she will take it if required... some babies won't abide a teat or formula. Well, she doesn't mind either! She took 100ml when I didn't think she was even that hungry... good to know we have that as a backup.



My poor baby is going bald. She's lost all the hair from the top of her head, while the rest has grown to about an inch long. A very bad bald-man mullet... I can't wait for the rest of her hair to fall out! Bald all over would be much better.

Princess is growing like crazy, and is 1kg (2lb) over her birth weight. At 3.5kg she is now an average normal birth weight! People still tell us how small she is and assume she's a few days old. To us she's so much bigger than she was and is filling out nicely. She now has dimply knees instead of extra folds of skin.

This week she started to focus on us and it is so cool to have her eyes follow me!

Princess Update

Princess is 3 weeks old today.


Wow. It feels like she has been with us so much longer than that!

Average Feeding Cycle: 3-hourly
Average Feeding Time: 45 min including a burp and nappy change in the middle to wake her up again for seconds.
Approximate Weight: 3kg
Average Saffa Chick sleep: 2 hours per night feed cycle, one 1 hour nap during the day. Total: 5 to 7 hours.

In general I'd say Princess is a "good baby". She only cries when she needs something, and mostly sleeps when her needs are met. When she has a sore gassy tummy we have a few rough hours, but that's not constant.

A friend left a comment the other day about how serene we look in the photos I sent out or published. Mmmm, well, I don't exactly take pictures when she's screaming her head off!




She was slipping into a 2-hour feed cycle recently, and I think it was self-perpetuating because she wasn't that hungry so she only ate a small amount before going back to sleep. It could also be that my boobs weren't getting the chance to make enough fatty milk to tide her over a longer period. Yesterday I decided to try to force a 3-hour cycle after Milord left for work. This meant an hour of misery before the first 3 hours was up, but after that she seemed to settle into the timetable just fine! I may be on to something... we slipped a bit in the night but we were mostly on 3 hours, and today I'll aim for 3-hourly feeds as well.

Once we're happy on 3 hours I'll try to nudge us to 3.5 hours, and then hopefully to 4 hours. That would mean 3-hour stretches of sleep for Milord and me... wish me luck!

I'm having a go at expressing milk, but I have to get the timing right or I end up with half-empty boobs and a very cranky baby! Milord fed her 30ml from a bottle the other day and she slurped it in about 30 seconds... no problem taking the bottle then! Then she wanted boob for an hour afterward anyway - I wonder how much she usually takes in a feed? It's a shame you can't measure what they drink in a breastfeed. I'm going to gather as much milk as I can over the week and we'll have another go on the weekend and see if she gets full. I'd like to know that I can have an evening out with the girls and leave enough milk with Milord to keep Princess satisfied.

Oh, one thing we did about a week ago was make casts of Princess' hands and feet. IrishMILF gave me the kit at my baby shower and I knew I had to use it or it'd never get done. Milord and I spent an hour trying to get moulds of her hands and feet in fast-setting rubber without her touching the sides of the containers. It was a lot more difficult than it sounds! We had a few duds and a very nerve-wracking moment when she wouldn't stop screaming long enough to relax so that we could get her hand out of the mould (that's the blurry fist in the photo)!


I've painted them silver now and we'll mount them in a box frame one day soon. We took them on Princess' "due date", the 13th September. Awesome.

Enjoy Your Sleep

I can't tell you how fed up I got hearing people tell me to "enjoy your sleep" during my pregnancy. Especially towards the end when I was so uncomfortable that sleep wasn't that great anyway.

Nearly 3 weeks into motherhood and the lack of sleep is beginning to really take its toll. Princess has gotten over her fussy phase of earlier in the week and is feeding, settling and sleeping like a model child. Except... we're still stuck in a 3-hour cycle, which means I am lucky to snatch 2 hours sleep between feeds at night. I try to nap during the day but it's hard - I want to have a life too! Plus I feel obliged to have the house clean and organised and meals ready on weekdays. On the weekend when I'd feel OK asking Milord to take over the housework he keeps scheduling DIY projects so messy and noisy that I'm not even able to ask him to watch the baby so that I can have some grunt-and-snuffle-free nap time (babies are noisy sleepers).

Last night was a killer. Princess was in a 2-hour feed cycle all night. This means I was getting one hour's sleep every 2 hours, and I only got her settled at 11pm after hours of trying to get her down. Cluster-feeding's a bitch. And then... Milord was snoring fit to shake the windows. He's tired too. I don't care! I gave him the whole of Thursday night "off" by sleeping with the baby in her room so that he didn't get woken for 9 hours, and get repaid by stereo husband and baby noise in my sleeping time. Not. Happy.

I moved into Princess' room and so managed a bit of sleep between feeds. At 6am this morning when Milord brought her to me again I was totally over it. I'd had 3 hours sleep all night. I settled into my chair, put her on the boob, and burst into tears.

Oh. My. God. This is so hard. All I need is a decent stretch of sleep, and I can't get it. I know sleep deprivation is a tried and tested torture device, and sometimes it feels like my baby is torturing me!

Suddenly Milord appeared from the bedroom. I hadn't thought I was making much noise but he'd heard the sniveling and came to check on me. The poor guy would do anything to help, I know, but the downside of breastfeeding is that only I can do it. He made me a cup of tea and kept me company until we went back to bed... and then I couldn't bloody sleep!

Maybe I'll nap this afternoon. Wish me luck that Princess starts sleeping for longer periods soon!

PS. I'm fine Dad, just tired. Don't worry ;-)

Birth Story - Part 2

My goodness looking after a baby eats up time! Princess has had a couple of very gassy days (normal, apparently) and she has been fussing from one 3-hourly hour-long feed to the next, leaving me with no time to make myself a sandwich, never mind anything else! Milord comes home to a haggard wife who hands him a squalling child and then runs around trying to do stuff in the time between the evening cluster feeds (Princess likes to feed for an hour every 2 hours in the evening)!

Thank heavens Princess is brilliant at feeding lying down, because then at least I can nap during the night feeds. Milord is still doing the nappy changes before the night feeds, which helps too.

Today is going well, however. Princess has been asleep more than she's been awake and I've managed to catch up on a few things. We even went out with the pram to do a little shopping and visit the post office. Princess seems to like her pram and the bumpier the ride the deeper she sleeps! I'll be adding that to my arsenal of settling techniques...

So, back to our birth story -

It was now about 3:30am in the delivery room, and my blood pressure was high. Not dangerously so, but too high to send me home. The midwife told me that my obstetrician would be doing his rounds at 7am and to get some sleep. Milord stretched out on a sleeper couch and I lay in the hospital bed and we tried to rest. I could feel my contractions getting stronger and we attempted to time them - about one every 5 minutes, lasting for 30 seconds, but not particularly painful. After 6am they got less painful and less regular and pretty much faded away...

My doctor breezed in at about 7am. He glanced at my contraction trace, checked my blood pressure, did an internal exam (2cm dilated) and told me that he wanted to induce labour as my body obviously wasn't in the mood and I was now at risk.

Damn. I'd heard horror stories about labour brought on by chemical induction. They say it can be very intense and agonising, more so than normal labour.

"Um. I was wanting an epidural anyway, do you think I could have that first...?"
"Oh excellent, a mum who knows what she wants! That will bring down your blood pressure too."

So at 9am (after his morning swim in the sea) the anaesthetist turned up to give me an epidural. I'll admit - I was terrified. He rattled off the risks and asked me if I wanted to go ahead... and I said yes. So he did. Now, I know I'm a wuss, but having the epidural put in hurt. A lot. I was crying out in pain and gripping Milord's hands so tight that he lost feeling! They say that after a period of labour a woman hardly feels the epidural going in because compared to labour it's nothing... and maybe that's why I've never heard that having one takes ages and hurts. That was a bit of a shock, but I didn't move and it went in ok and then they started the sintocin drip to kick off my labour.


Over the next while my tummy, bum and legs slowly went numb and I lost control of my legs. I could still feel pressure if Milord rubbed my feet, but that was all. Oh, and I got really really itchy - a common side effect of the epidural anaesthetic - which lasted until the epidural stopped 15 hours later! Having an epidural lowers your blood pressure, so they ran a few bags of saline into me to keep it up. This has the stunning effect of making you swell up - I didn't realise just how much until I saw photos later! Gah. Oh, and you have a catheter in your bladder because you can't control that either, and you certainly can't get to a toilet.

At midday my body was in proper labour. I only know this because it showed on the monitor - I couldn't feel a thing! Every hour or so a midwife (we went through 4 shifts) would come in and roll me over (I couldn't move below the waist), empty my urine bag (nice) and check my blood pressure (still high). We got meals at mealtimes (a random selection) and every so often Milord would take a walk to the coffee shop for coffees. We set up the laptop and listened to music and read books and sent text messages to friends and family. It was extemely chilled out, and in the background we could hear the beating of the baby's heart falling and rising with the contractions.

At some point in the late afternoon we were startled to hear the baby's heartrate falter. She wasn't recovering properly after each contraction, and it was decided to stop the induction drip for a while - perhaps the contractions were too strong on the sintocin and my body would do better alone. My body had other ideas, and while the contractions continued they weren't nearly as strong as they needed to be and I was only at 4cm dilated.

"You'd better start getting used to the idea of a c-section if nothing improves."

Shit. DO. NOT. WANT. This was turning into a classic cascade of intervention. But it was too late now, right? They told me that by the next morning we'd know one way or the other, fed us a random dinner and turned out the lights.

During the night they started the sintocin drip again as the baby was ok (I was at 5cm at 8pm), and I watched the numbers on the monitors glow in the dark while Milord snored softly on the other side of the room. Contraction numbers would rise and the baby heartrate would fall, then the contraction would fall and the baby heartrate would race then settle. Come on body. Hang in there baby. I'm doing everything I can to get you out safely!

At 10pm I was suddenly aware of a change in my contractions. I could feel them for the first time, and it was like a wave pushing down my body and I felt like I should be pushing with it. I called a midwife and told her, but she said it was just my body finally getting with the program and we had a long way to go. She gave me a topup of anaesthetic as I was getting uncomfortable, and slipped away again. An hour later, at about 11pm, she came back and did an internal exam to see how dilated I was.

"I can't actually tell how dilated you are, because your baby's head is in the way! She's on her way out - let's have a go at pushing!"

Suddenly all the lights were on, Milord had folded his bed away and was bracing one of my legs, the midwife was bracing the other, and I was gripping under my thighs and pushing with the contractions until I saw spots and had to gasp for breath. I could feel enough of the contraction to know when to push, and I had no trouble with my pushing muscles. I could feel the baby moving along with the pushes - like the biggest poo imaginable! We got the baby to where she was crowning, and then we stopped and waited for the obstetrician who was there shortly.

Now my obstetrician had my right leg braced and Milord had my left leg braced, while the midwife handled everything else. When I felt a contraction I'd warn everyone and then push like crazy. That's as far as I was aware of things, but Milord had a ringside view so I'll tell you what he told me...

The baby was crowning and the obstetrician was lubing around the opening to help her come through. We were taking it slow to let me stretch. Suddenly the baby's heartbeat went quiet, even though Milord could see where the monitor was still firmly attached to her scalp. The obstetrician reached in and found the cord around her neck. He tried to pull it over her head but it snapped back. He tried again. And again. Then he picked up a pair of scissors and cut my perineum - only the scissors were blunt and nothing happened! He grabbed another pair, cut me, (by this time Milord was sitting on the floor so we're not sure of the sequence of events) cut/released the cord and pulled the baby out.

Princess was delivered warm and slimy onto my chest. The midwife was towelling her roughly saying "Come on, cry for me" and then she did and I fell in love in a way that cannot be described. By this time Milord was back on his feet and we were beside ourselves in wonder.

It was 00:25 on the 1st September 2009. The first day of Spring in the Southern hemisphere.



- that's our birth story! I will discuss how my hospital bag list panned out shortly, post pictures of Princess growing like a weed, and be blogging my post-pregnancy body recovery... when the baby lets me, that is!

Birth Story

Monday here. Milord has gone back to work today - I'm sure he'd rather still be here in the baby cocoon! I had every intention of spending today in bed after a couple of shocking nights over the weekend (and visitors during the day which meant I couldn't nap), but we had a good night last night and I feel ok now although I might nap later. I have spent the past couple of hours with birth registration paperwork, paying doctor's bills and filling in forms to claim the Aussie baby bonus (woohoo). Princess has been asleep next to me in her pram and is just starting to stir for her next feed.

Right, time to blog the story of Princess' arrival! This is going to be long, go make a coffee.

I finished work on the last Friday of August at 38 weeks pregnant. Princess was due to arrive on the 13th September so I would have 2 weeks to relax, stock the freezer and sleep as much as possible. I was extremely uncomfortable, everything was exhausting and my belly got in the way of anything I wanted to do. I was thrilled to have finished working, as I was struggling to manage a 6 hour day.

On the last Saturday in August I hit the supermarket for supplies, wrestling a full trolley around the place. I'm sure every expectant Mum feels the same way, but I had a feeling my baby night arrive early and I wanted to be prepared. Milord spent the day finishing off painting walls inside the house. We were both shattered afterwards! That night I cooked 4 lasagnes and froze 3.

On the last Sunday in August I had my baby shower. Ruralchick organised about 10 girls to meet up at a winebar overlooking the water for Afternoon Tea. I got spoiled with lots of lovely little gifts, sipped tea and ate cake in the sunshine. It was a lovely afternoon. In the evening we went to a friend's for dinner. She is a midwife, and as I came through the door she took one look at my belly and said "You've got weeks to go! The baby hasn't even started dropping yet!". Considering that my obstetrician had told me just a few days prior that the baby was 2/5 dropped I didn't take this too seriously, but I was ok with the idea of the baby taking her time to arrive.

We got home after 10 and I couldn't sleep as the baby was very restless and I read my book until nearly midnight before finally dropping off.

At 1:15 am on Monday 31st August I woke up with a strange sensation between my legs... a sort of warm dribbling. I moved and the dribble became a gush! I leapt from the bed and raced to the bathroom where I sat on the loo continuing to leak. Obviously my waters had broken!!!

Huh. Wow. Ok. Here we go then.

...now what?

I had no contractions. I was clearly many hours from proper labour, maybe I should try to sneak back into bed for some more sleep. The only problem was that whenever I moved I got another trickle of water down my legs! I eventually stuffed a handtowel between my legs and shuffled awkwardly back to the bedroom. Milord was asleep and I gently began patting my side of the bed to see how wet it was. Suddenly Milord woke and stared at me in confusion.

"What the hell are you up to?!"
"Uh... my waters have broken."
"WHAT?!!!"

He sprang from the bed in a panic. The only thing we could remember from our antenatal classes was that we should call the labour ward to give them a heads up, so he found the number and called while I mopped up the bed and started finding the outstanding items for our hospital bag. Luckily we had a printed list to work from, as we were both pretty rattled! Milord spoke to a lovely midwife at the hospital, who said that as I had the Group B Strep infection I needed to come in for antibiotics, but they'd probably send us home again until labour was fully established, which could take over 24 hours.

Milord was all for galloping to the hospital in the previous day's clothes and without the hospital bag, but I argued him into a shower and clean clothes, and got him to throw a change of clothing into the fully packed bag just in case, which we put into the boot of the car. At 2:30am we sedately drove 20 mins to the hospital.

At the hospital we were greeted by the same cheerful midwife we'd spoken to on the phone, and she ushered us into a delivery room. She strapped a couple of monitors to my belly and gave me an antibiotic pill. On the monitor we could see the occasional contraction which I was starting to feel as a vague period pain, and we could see the baby's heartbeat which was a good 145bpm. She stated that my labour was a long way off and that she would be sending us home, and then took my blood pressure. "Ooooh. That's high. Stay there for a bit and I'll take it again in half an hour."

...and I didn't leave that room for the next 24 hours!

- Princess is having a very gassy day. I have had my hands full all afternoon and I don't think I'll get to finish this today, so... To Be Continued -

All Good

Hey everyone...

We are all very well, I just find that when I have a spare 5 minutes where I don't want to fold laundry or make a meal that a nap takes priority over blogging or even reading blogs! I haven't quite got the hang of feeding Princess one-handed in front of the PC without getting amazing backache either, so we are stretched out in the breastfeeding chair for that instead. I am (re-re-re-)watching Season One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer through the night - OMG how 90's is that show? I love it.

Princess is thriving - she's already made it back to just past her birth weight at 10 days old. That would be good going for a normal sized baby, but for an undersized one we're doing fabulously! She's feeding superbly and still hasn't hurt mummy's boobies so that's just brilliant. I wish the feeding cycles were longer - we don't go past 3 hours yet, and sometimes we're stuck at 1 hour for half the day/night - but as she and her tummy get bigger that will come.

Milord is my rock. He's taken 2 weeks off and has made it his job to get up to Princess when she calls and change her nappy while I prise my eyes open, visit the bathroom and settle myself in the chair, where he delivers Princess before heading back to bed. He's been doing jobs around the house during the day... DIY, not the cooking or cleaning but I have a handle on those at the moment and I know he'll step up when the time comes. He's loving being a Dad - he's already completely wrapped around that tiny finger! (...as am I)

I'm doing great - I feel better than I have in yonks in spite of being tired. New-mummyhood beats pregnancy any day! Geez I hated being pregnant, and I wasn't even ill with it.

I'll blog the birth tale soon. Princess' arrival got surprisingly complicated and we missed having a C-section by a whisker. I'll tell you all the gory bits soon.

Dawn

It is 7am and I saw the sun rise as I fed Princess for the 4th or 5th time of the night... oddly enough I don't mind waking to feed her although in my pre-mummy life waking me was never a good thing! I will be off back to bed in a minute, but here's a very quick update on this, Princess' 6th day of life:

We are doing extremely well. She generally sleeps unless she is dirty or hungry, and she's feeding about every 3 to 4 hours. Except when she feeds every hour of course! I am one of the lucky women out there whose baby took to breastfeeding like a duck to water - painlessly and with no fuss within an hour of birth! My nipples are fine and I thoroughly enjoy the experience.

Apart from a little discomfort from the episiotomy stitches (sneezing BAD!) I feel brilliant. Better than I did just over a week ago at 8.5 months pregnant, certainly. I'm tired of course, but it's a happy tired, like jetlag on the best trip ever.

Ok, a couple of photos, and then I must go get some sleep (I've been averaging 3 hours sleep a day since my labour started!).

Introducing: Princess

It seems my baby girl could not wait two weeks to join our family! [Princess] Grace Elizabeth Black@dder was born at 00:25 this morning, the 1st September. She weighs 2.45kg (5lb 6oz). Small but perfectly formed!

Details to follow when I'm not quite so tired ;-)

Third Trimester Solicited Advice - Part 4 - for the bloke

I also asked the Daddies to come up with some advice for Milord:

Stuart (UK)
You will feel absolutely useless for the first 6-8 weeks, more so if Saffa Chick is breastfeeding. Your primary function is to look after mom. Constant reassurance is good, once again, especially where breastfeeding is concerned. That’s about it until baby is a bit bigger. Most of all just enjoy, it may seem like an eternity of sleepless nights and nappies, but before you know you’ll be chasing after a cheeky 2 year old!

Andrew (Australia)

1. You will most likely be the one to cut the baby's umbilical cord so have a camera handy if you want a photo. (Milord hasn't decided about this yet)
   
2. Should things not quite go to plan and a Caesar is required, you should advise the obstetrician prior to the birth should you want to watch the surgical procedure,as things are likely to get quite hectic should they need to switch procedures. the last thing they will want to deal with is a father wanting to ask if he can watch the procedure. I videoed M's birth, but arranged it in advance. (No bloody way is Milord going down the business end!)
   
3. Don't plan to work for the first two days as you will be shagged from lack of sleep. It will most likely be you walking with bub in arms in the wee hours of the morning whilst Saffa Chick gets that much needed rest. I went to work the following morning after walking the hospital halls and it was miserable.
4. I don't think either of you are squeamish, however, when they want to do the heel prick, it can tear at your heartstrings a tad to see your newborn getting jabbed in the heel to draw blood (many times over).
5. Although we requested anybody with the slightest sign of a cold or flu to stay away, there maybe some selfish fool that just can't resist seeing you and bub and turn up with the lame excuse that "they will not stay long" or "I'll step outside if I am about to sneeze". Say thanks but no thanks and send them home.
6. Not sure if you are intending to stay the first night or two in the hospital, but we found it to be great to share the moment. You will be of great help when dealing with the midwives. We found that each midwife had a different and compelling reason to do things their way. This can get frustrating and emotional. Staying will be great to help manage and decipher some of that bullshit.
7. Enjoy every minute as their little lives seem to accelerate so fast. There is nothing to show you how quickly time passes than to have children. I know you have heard this before. I can't believe that our little baby S turns 5 this Thursday.

Third Trimester Solicited Advice - Part 3

More replies from my friends all over the world…

My questions were:
What are the 5 lifesaver items you took to the hospital?
What are the 5 most important things to have ready for the newborn at home?
What have we probably not thought of or not been told?

What are the 5 lifesaver items you took to the hospital?

Nikki (South Africa)

1. Lip Ice
2. Slippers (slightly large ones 'cos your feet might swell up - mine did!)
3. Juice
4. My own breakfast cereal (maybe your hospital food is better than ours)
5. Muslin burping cloth for baby

Shane (South Africa)

1. DUMMY/PACIFIER
2. Moetie for baby's cramps
3. Nice gown for yourself & slippers so you can feel a bit glam (this made Milord laugh – "That is SO Shane" he said)
4. Moetie for your nipples so they don't get chafed /cracked if you're breastfeeding (bloody sore when that happens)
5. Ummm...

Kate (UK)

1. Birth plan highlighting EPIDURAL as a must
2. Sanitary pads - super dooper absorbency and lots of them

Tara (UK)
In hosp bag I only needed pads (lots), nightie shower gel and glucose tablets and food for after. All rest was just a mission to carry in so didn't bother second time round.

Mel (Australia)
Well am sure you know everybody's experiences will be different as no two
seem the same! As you know I was placed on a monitor from the arrival at
hospital so couldn't move at all so everything I took to the hospital
didn't even make it out of the bag - scented candles, massage oils, music
to relax in the bath with! Guess you will have to take what you want to
and hope you get the opportunity to use! Also once epidural in you will be
bed bound (and unable to eat after) so don't get too early or leave too
late ....I can't comment on labouring as such but understand this is very
tiring and you get really thirsty ....I used Gas & Air for about 6 hours
which was manageable until the epidural went in ... Bliss.....

Heidi (New Zealand)

1. Water
2. Wheat bag
3. If you are going to have epidural (highly recommended) take some cards, as you may pretty much lie there for hours waiting to dilate - and yes C and I played cards
4. Baggy PJs / dressing gown, you won’t feel like wearing much and comfort is most important.
5. Glucose sweets (nothing too big or rich)

Bronwyn (UK)
Have you been learning how to breathe, see if you can find classes that teach this, it really helped, I went without any painkillers, almost till the end and then ended up having gas and air. To me it felt like I was really drunk, I sobered up again at the end, just before she arrived.
Something nice for baby to wear, lots of pads and cheap panties that you can throw away(disposable knickers if you prefer, but I found these terribly uncomfortable), I was lucky I didn't bleed too much, but we are all different and it is better to be prepared.

Tracey (South Africa)

1. It is good to have linen savers, for you bed and portable changing stations.
2. Take big comfy panties, I had stretchy maternity panties - we're going for comfort, not sexy.
3. Also, I found cotton knit pajamas good, and a nice big t-shirt that doesn't pull anywhere and covers the boobs nicely.
4. Breast pads, of course.
5. Lip ice, and drink lots of water - I was so thirsty. The hospital aircon added to that.

What are the 5 most important things to have ready for the newborn at home?

Nikki (South Africa)

1. I'm sure you'll have everything at home for baby - don't think we forgot anything.
2. Maybe a nightlight...
3. Comfy chair for breastfeeding (if you are planning to breastfeed)

Shane (South Africa)

1. Cot, blankies, mobile, clothes
2. Nappies, wipes, good bum cream!
3. Patience
4. Endurance
5. love....

Kate (UK)

1. Portable bed eg. Moses basket
2. Tiny nappies
3. Baby play mat/gym
4. calpol (infant paracetamol) - and I guess some kind of colic medicine too - eg. infacol.

Tara (UK)

1. For home: they don't need much.
2. Saline nose drops for sniffily babes. Easy to give just before feeds and helps clear gunk so can feed more easily.
3. Basket with water bottle muslin remote etc you can pick up for feeds and have with you. You get very thirsty when breastfeeding.
4. Comfy chair for feeds. If breastfeed evening cluster feeds can last forever.
5. Lots of babygrows as shit leaks. Napisan for putting in with poop covered clothes.
6. Lots of muslins.
7. Breast feeding cushion helps.

Mel (Australia)
Gory bits .........sorry
Make sure you have lots of maternity (surfboard size) pads in abundance for
home, you may well need these for many weeks (up to 8 is not uncommon - I
was almost 10 ..) ...... also makes taking a bath a no-no/and or messy for
a while .......if breast feeding the nipples get very sore probably and
may even bleed - Lucy suggested paw paw lotion which did work but I found
the Lansinoh brand better ... also the soap free hand washes are really
useful and convenient as you will be constantly washing your hands prior to
and after picking up bub. IF you have an episiotomy don't sit down too
quickly - ice packs do help to numb but are weird to wear as cold and
wet ... the healing takes a while too (you can try perineal massage from
now onwards if you want to avoid this - can't guarantee will work though).
In hospital you may get conflicting advice from midwives - this is quite
common - just stick to what you think works for you as they can get bossy

Heidi (New Zealand)

1. Bassinet or cot
2. Change table
3. Cotton wraps (10)
4. Old fashioned square cloth nappies which you use for spills (from breasts or babies mouth) you go through lots of those.
5. Disposable nappies. I wouldn’t worry about any other kind of nappies in the first few weeks, disposables are easiest when you are tired.

Bronwyn (UK)

• When you get home, it is good to have some essential oils waiting for your bath to help you heal in case you get cut or tear, lavender oil - calming and soothing, tea tree oil and course sea salt, mix altogether with a table spoon of milk and put into your bath, this helps with the healing process. I had a bath in the morning and evening to start with and it really helped. Get somebody to help you the first couple of times as it is a bit uncomfortable and a little sore getting into the bath, but it really does work. The one thing I learnt having a baby, is there is no longer any shame, embarrassment about the way you look goes completely out of the window...
• When Baby gets home, we had a Moses Basket in our room, and a v-shaped pillow for breast feeding. Do yourself a favour, get a 2nd hand electrical breast pump, I was completely against buying certain things 2nd hand to start with but you sometimes use these things a couple of times and buying new is so expensive. They all get washed and sterilised so it isn't too bad.

Tracey (South Africa)

• Once home, I'm sure you have your cot, changing table, baby bath, baby clothes and nappies. I went through so many nappies. I would have just changed D, and he would present me with a new "nappy situation" as we call it. So, I've learned to wait a bit, a wet nappy is not such a big deal, and then change when necessary, or the nappy gets really wet and mommy reflex action kicks in.
• I didn't need a monitor, we get so tuned in to baby sounds that I wake up when I hear a baby murmur. And then, I sometimes don't even hear Dave get up to take a shower!
• There is so much stuff that we don't really need, but are nice to have. So don't worry too much. I insisted on a proper changing table, that had to be the right height, drawers etc, which we bought. And now I'm not even using it with D.
• Baby wipes are good, but I usually clean baby's bum with water and cotton wool as well. It helps prevent nappy rash.

What have we probably not thought of or not been told?

Nikki (South Africa)
The NUMBER ONE most important item that I could not have done without was copies of both 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' and 'What to Expect in the First Year'. Take these to hospital with you, absolute lifesaver when everyone knows better & you get conflicting advice from everyone ranging from Mom to friends to the neighbour to your hairdresser's assistant to the random stranger that stops you in the street!!

Shane (South Africa)
Heck, I don't know. Baby needs to Sleep, Eat and answer the call of nature. Burping is a biggy too! Cramps are horrible things

Kate (UK)
Breastfeeding is not necessarily going to happen easily - my nipples were ripped to shreds the first time round. Lansinoh nipple cream and a breast pump (and whale's support) got me through!

Mel (Australia)
Sleep when you can and don't try and do everything - some things aren't
necessary and others can do what you can't, but no-one can do what you can
with the bub! Sorry if this all seems doom and gloom but hopefully useful
to know in advance so not too much of a shock and always a bonus if they
don't happen to you! Also baby will probably determine a lot of what you
do, i.e. when you shower, sleep, eat, go out - this gets better but the first
few weeks can seem a little shocking as you discover you no longer have
control ..... !

Heidi (New Zealand)
Babies don’t [have to] survive on breast milk alone. It’s absolutely fine to give them a bottle at any time. S lost 12% body weight and was basically starving and they even then could not actually say the word bottle/formula. They are Nazis here about that and I am sure they are in Aussie too. Don’t take any bullshit and give the baby formula if your milk has not come in enough - especially if bub is big.
Rotate between: feed; nappy; burping; cuddles; different position when they cry. It’s always one of the above.
Always trust your instincts even when your partner says the exact opposite and fights you on it.
Don’t panic. You do have the innate skills to deal with any motherhood situation and you find out more about yourself than you ever believed existed. It is the Best Journey you can ever take yourself on.

Paula (South Africa)
I think the best advice to give you is to find someone you respect and trust and listen to them and only them as you will get everyone and their aunt telling you what to do.

Bronwyn (UK)
You will be fine, it is in all of us, and it does come naturally, it just takes some of us a little longer, but we all get there. The best advice I can give is listen to what your heart and head say, you know what your baby wants and needs, sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but trust your instincts. Taking advice form other people can sometimes be confusing, listen to what they say and use what suits you, you will know what to do when the time comes. There is so much conflicting advice, just go with what you feel is right.
I hope I haven't confused you and scared you in any way, having a baby is the most exciting time of your life, you experience so many emotions, but remember to enjoy every minute of it, it is so special.

Tracey (South Africa)
NIPPLE CREAM, NIPPLE CREAM, NIPPLE CREAM!!!!
About a month before little one arrives, it's a good idea to rub your nipples with lanolin cream. I found Lansinoh to be the best, worth it's weight in gold, to be frank, there is quite an assault on your nipples when baby feeds. They say if baby has latched correctly it shouldn't be sore. But my goodness, there is a lot of nipple action every few hours around the clock!!! I was very sore with L for quite a while, no bleeding or anything that bad, though. I had some laser treatment in the hospital - you can ask for it - and the therapist told me that I could get some sun on them, 10 min in the morning and 10 min in the afternoon. And, well, it's not as exciting as tanning topless, but it does help!!!
Actually, it is all worth it, and something unbelievably special to be able to breastfeed. I ended up feeding L for 5 months and another 4 months after that, including 2 bottle feeds, when I went back to work. Now, with D, I was more prepared, I had a big tube of Lansinoh, and everything was fine. And I'm still breastfeeding at 6 months.

Third Trimester Solicited Advice - Part 2

This a document Tara wrote for Heidi when Heidi was expecting her baby. It totally deserves its own post! Thanks T ;-)

Feeding and Routines

Breastfeeding - even if you are doing it right, it hurts at first!

If you can’t breastfeed (for what ever reason) don’t beat yourself up about it. They won’t have to put it on their CV, in the long run it doesn’t matter.

I (and loads of our friends) really recommend giving a bottle before 6 weeks for flexibility – don’t listen to books/midwives who warn you about nipple confusion! If you wait too long they will sometimes refuse the bottle and you will need the flexibility of bottle (for formula or expressed milk).

Some babies need to suck more than eat – dummies work well, especially for daytime naps. I didn’t have any trouble getting them off dummies

Fill tank up between 7am and 7pm - so feed every 2.5 – 3 hours even if asleep – and dream feed at 10pm(ish) (Pick up and pop a bottle in their mouths – will learn to drink as reflex and helps them go through night. Never worked with a boob!) Dreamfeed was absolute saving grace with E who slept though from 12 weeks. D different story.

Children do thrive on routines, especially at bedtime, but take each day as it comes as well. Their (and your) needs change all the time. Also I found that a routine was impossible before they were about 6 weeks old and it just stressed me out trying to impose it before then. Also newborn babies need feeding very often. Really extraordinarily often. If they are crying, even if you have just fed them, they probably need feeding again. D fed every 90min through the day and night for about 6 weeks. This can happen especially in early evenings 5-7pm – called ‘cluster feeding’ – if your little one does this i.e. fusses and wants to suckle all the time before bed, just try make yourself comfortable, watch TV etc and go with it. All this extra suckling helps build up your supply. Bottle fed babies apparently fuss at this time too.

Routine we (sort of used) with our two from 6 weeks is that they ate every 3 hours and were awake for an hour and a half and then slept for an hour and a half. So roughly:
07h00 Feed (we TRIED to wake them up for this feed even if we were knackered)
08h30 Nap
10h00 Feed
11h30 Nap
13h00 Feed
14h30 Nap
15h00 Feed and catnap
17h00 Feed
18h30 Bath
19h00 Feed
19h30 Bed
22h30 Dream feed and hope for the best!

As they got older the 15h00 and 17h00 feed became one and at about 4 months they moved to feeding every four hours.

We found it very helpful to keep it dark and quiet at night-feeds (no chat), and lighter and noisy during day inc naps to help them differentiate night and day.

I cant advocate buying a Grobag enough – baby sleeping bag. Easy to change nappies at night, blankets don’t come off, safe, helps guide how warm to dress at night, easy for traveling, cant climb out of cot, they know its bedtime etc

A comforting soft toy really helps as they get older.

Don't forget you and your baby are learning how to do this thing together. Your baby hasn't read the books. You'll both work it out, somehow.

If things are going badly (terrible teething, tantrum etc) it won't last. Whatever is bugging you, it will pass. It feels like forever at the time, but one day someone will ask you "did yours do that?" & you'll start to say no and then realise that they did, but you've forgotten all about it.

If you are having a really bad day and feel like you are going to lose it, put her down in her cot and walk away. Walk away, make yourself a cup of tea/have something to eat. She will come to no harm and by the time you are ready to go back to her she would have either have stopped crying or you will feel calmer to deal with her.

Before E, I was told to always change their nappy before a feed. She'd be screaming with hunger while I changed her nappy, I would start feeding, and invariably she would fill her nappy and I'd have to change it again. So that was crap advice. Mine would be “Don’t change nappies until after a feed!"

Don't worry about tomorrow - concentrate on TODAY, and cope with today. (If he/she isn't sleeping/eating/behaving well today, but you can cope with it - that's OK; don't make it into a crisis by worrying how you'll cope if he/she doesn't sleep/eat/behave well for the next 2 years!) Boy, is this advice hard!!

'Don’t be the expert', i.e. don't be the only one in your relationship who knows how to do everything with the baby (be it feeding, nappy changing, bath time, whatever). Because if you are the expert, you'll be the only one doing it forever more and that's no good for you all as a family.


And remember……

Whatever it takes to keep you sane – do it. Remember that you need to put yourself first sometimes. A happy mummy makes a happy baby
A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.
It’s their job to test us as parents (easier if you think of it like that)
Carrots stain and everything else you can solve between you and hubbie.
If it won't matter in 5 years, it doesn't matter now.

Third Trimester Solicited Advice - Part 1

As I am now about 7 weeks from being a mommy I sent out a request for advice to all my friends who have young children. I figured they wouldn’t generalise or sugar-coat stuff as we’re mates! I only asked people with little kids as (a) people forget and (b) birth/newborn ideas go out of fashion.

My questions were:
What are the 5 lifesaver items you took to the hospital?
What are the 5 most important things to have ready for the newborn at home?
What have we probably not thought of or not been told?

The replies are coming in from all over the world so I’ll post them in batches as I get them. Also, some lovely ladies have written in detail so those will get their own post.

...feel free to chip in the comments with your answers too!

What are the 5 lifesaver items you took to the hospital?

Jodie (Australia)

1. Chocolate (of course)
2. Books
3. Hand lotion and lip balm
4. Diary
5. A dummy (not talking about the father). You may be already saying no to the dummy but that was my saving grace for M as all she wanted to do was suck. So my magic wrap lady (the mid wife) would come in after I had fed her and she would ask for the dummy and wrap her in warm blankets and she would be out for hours.. up to you of course.

Shona (South Africa)
The hospital question is a tricky one as it depends on the hospital and what they provide and whether or not your baby rooms in with you or is in a nursery. For us H was in the nursery unless we took her out and wanted her in the room with me. The one thing I found useful was earplugs for when I wasn't looking after the baby as there is generally a lot going on in a hospital and strange noises, so I found that they helped me get a bit more rest when someone else was looking after H.

Julie (South Africa)

1. Vaseline – smear all over bottom area as meconium (baby black poo) is very sticky & won’t come off the skin other wise
2. Questions – ask for help, especially when first feeding. Make sure someone (you like) is with you when you first latch with baby so that you get it right from the beginning. The nurses are there to help you – use them as much as possible in the beginning
3. Rescue remedy – takes the edge off when you don’t sleep
4. Take the pain killers as prescribed (even if you feel you don’t need them) – particularly if you have a Caesar. You don’t want to feel that pain!!!
5. Diary / Notebook – try to record as much as possible as you do forget (sadly)

Laura (UK)

1. Written birth plan. You won't be able to speak.
2. Magazines / music
3. Small towels / large flannels you can wet and put on your back
4. TENS machine was a good psychological prop but wasn't much use later on
5. Good supportive husband is worth more than anything else!

What are the 5 most important things to have ready for the newborn at home?

Jodie (Australia)

1. Panadol for 1 month (you will be surprised at how quick those first few weeks go and I gave it my girls before they were 4 wks).
2. Vicks to rub on their singlet if they get a blocked nose
3. stuff for reflux that you can buy over the counter ( not sure of the name though sorry)
4. Baby thermometer (you probably already have one but the 1 second readings are great, expensive but well worth their weight in gold.
5. Lots of flannel wraps to wrap her up snuggley after you have fed her. I used to throw them in the microwave and heat them really well because by the time you have walked back to wherever and spread them out they get cool quickly.

Shona (South Africa)
For at home, a couple of bottles, steriliser and formula (even if you are planning on breast feeding). I was breast feeding but sometimes it takes a while to get into, like with me and in the meantime I had a screaming baby that wouldn't sleep because she was hungry, so a little formula helped everyone be a little less stressed until we got into the way of things. Bear in mind that your caregivers and the hospital will probably actively discourage formula and bottles like ours did, but in the end I listened to my mum and just gave her a little formula so she wasn't hungry. It worked and I carried on breastfeeding til four and a half months.

Julie (South Africa)

1. Somewhere to sleep close to you – you will want baby close by for the first few weeks & they’ll need to be close to you. M still sleeps next to me – he’s almost 4 months now. It’s so much easier for feeding & they need you close by in the first few weeks.
2. 6 vests, 6 baby grows (must have poppers on legs for easy access to nappy) in newborn (or bigger if your baby is big) (forget the fancy clothes – you hardly use them, get practical everyday clothes)
3. Don’t remove all the labels of your baby shower stuff – you may need to change stuff once baby is here when you realise what you have & actually need
4. Telaments gripe water & colic drops – when colic starts at about 3 weeks
5. Rescue remedy – for you at times due to lack of sleep, crying baby (for no reason – you’re still trying to figure out their cry)

Laura (UK)

1. A cleaner coming in once or twice a week. Guests vaguely offer to help but it fizzles out after a while!
2. An electric breast pump is worth its weight in gold.
3. Breastfeeding pillow in a C shape was better than a V shape for me (it doesn't slip)... but everyone's different!
4. A dummy (soother) in the cupboard. You may think you don't want to use one, but we came to the end of our tether at 3am and we wouldn't have been able to buy one at that moment. Just buy it!
5. One of those plastic bath supports (solid, not mesh)
6. Baby sleeping bag. Much better than blankets. We used ours from day one.
7. Ready meals in the freezer

What have we probably not thought of or not been told?

Jodie (Australia)
And last but not least babies are very resilient and will not die sleeping on their stomachs!!! Both mine did and they turned out alright, well yes the jury is still out with M!!!

Shona (South Africa)
The third question, take any opportunity you get to sleep, your house will probably be untidy and dirty but try and ignore it and sleep. Also, start making extra food now and freeze it so at least you will have meals for yourselves for a while.

Julie (South Africa)

1. Get the Dunstan baby video – it’s Australian. She shows you what the different baby cries mean – it’s fantastic if you can know early on what their cries mean (food, wet nappy, uncomfortable, etc). It’s accurate…..
2. Breast feeding is hard – but persevere, it’s worth it for both of you! It takes about 2 months before you feel comfortable & you have both established a good routine. It is a long time but it does go quickly you won’t realise it.
3. Day 3 or there about may be hard – your milk comes in, your hormones change & you may cry – even though you are happy. Just cry – it’s ok!
4. If your milk doesn’t come in, get help early. I didn’t & Matthew got dehydrated….
5. It’s not ok to have sore nipples – baby is latching incorrectly, so stop feeding & start again
6. Go for physio – laser on your nipples if even just a bit too sore. You don’t want them to crack & then deal with them – too painful. Go for 4/5 treatments in a row – should sort it out.
7. Take as many photographs & record your feelings, thoughts, development of baby – time goes quickly & you forget the details or little things
8. Just accept / listen to all the advise you get & then do what your instinct tells you to do – it will be right. You & your baby will figure things out with time – you are both learning!
9. When you first get home – ask your friends to give you time to get used to baby before they descend for visits. It’s wonderful to feel so loved but you need time with baby. I realised that the first week wasn’t love – you are overwhelmed by the whole experience & having your baby. It’s a wonderful time & enjoy bonding with baby & your husband.
10. Try establish a routine as early as possible – that’s been my lifesaver.
11. When you are home, let baby create the lead for feeding. If they sleep longer than 4 hours – let them. I did with Matthew & he was fine, particularly at night. He has always been a good sleeper at night as a result of that. I never woke him ever to feed – in spite of what everyone told me to do.

Laura (UK)
You've probably not been told all sorts of things, but that's because you would never believe it. Welcome to the Great Parenting Conspiracy!!!!!!!! Good luck and keep us posted!