Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Catchup

So, what's been happening since October?

Halloween.



Weekend in Merimbula, just Mom and me for her birthday.



The kid's first ever camping trip, overnight at Wee Jasper.



Christmas at the coast.



Monday, 18 January 2016

Happy New Year!

I mentioned that I was depressed in my last post (back in October). This was a huge deal for me to admit. My South African/British/Australian culture/heritage frowns on such self-absorbed feelings and counselling is "not done" so I felt I had no one to talk to. I haven't made any close friends here in Canberra yet. Even my blog was out of bounds, because my friends and family sometimes read it, so how could I vent here?

I've been carrying around an enormous amount of anger and resentment and sadness at Milord since he quit his (sole providing) job almost 3 years ago. Damn, that's a long time to be angry and sad. Even after we dragged ourselves out of the Pit of Despair onto safe ground again I was still upset, although I didn't show it except for being physically quite unaffectionate with Milord.

I finally reached my breaking point in October. It was hard and painful but Milord and I had some difficult conversations and at least one full-blown row (most unusual for us, and I was reminded of why I don't like confrontation with him - he fights dirty) but it actually helped after the dust settled! The simmering rage and deep sadness have passed... I won't say we're 100% but we are certainly better.

I even fancied sex the other day. For the first time in years!

I no longer feel like I am in a holding pattern in my marriage, I can see a future together again. It has been so very hard, for so very long. I was afraid that I would never forgive him or trust him again, and that we were doomed to fail.

I have a good feeling about this coming year!