It's just after midnight, which doesn't sound late until you realise that I went to bed at 9:30 exhausted and haven't been able to fall asleep.
Stuff is bothering me. Maybe if I write it down it will go to the back of my mind again and let me rest. And yes I know this is all trivial and all about me... such is life, right?!
- Living in a house under renovation sucks. We are now 3 weeks without a kitchen. I am sick of sandwiches and takeaways and washing up in the bathroom. I want to cook. I want to eat proper food! Our back yard is a building site - I have nowhere out of doors to sit with a cup of tea and read the papers. I have severe cabin fever.
- I'm fed up with this cold. It's been more than a week and I still feel like shit! It's just a cold, dammit! I should have shaken the thing off within a couple of days. Milord is all out of sympathy and I just get snarled at when my coughing interrupts the TV. Oh, and I pee a little bit after a really good coughing fit. Fucking pregnancy.
- I'm tired of being pregnant. Do you know it's been half a year now? Half a year of being unable to get tipsy, eat [some of] my favourite foods or do [some of] my favourite pastimes. Half a year of low energy. Half a year of low libido. Half a year of being sober when my husband [occasionally] gets drunk and obnoxious and then snores.
- The neighbours are giving us the shits. The one we are not attached to plays American/folk/rock stuff very LOUD very late at night. Not often luckily, but I was still ready to egg his house today after a midnight rendering of Deliverance-style music. Oh, and he sings along. Badly.
The neighbours we are attached to - an old Greek couple with their grown sons still living at home - had a flooding last night courtesy of our renovations and now the old man is being a complete pain in the arse about it. Even though we sorted the leak out and helped them clean up and have assured them that we'll make good any damage, the bloke has been around literally 10 times today to have a rant in broken English. Milord is not that diplomatic at the best of times and is about to lose his temper...
- I'm worried about our finances. Milord got cut to 2 days a week (from full time) at his primary client and although he is picking up enough other work to keep him very busy, I don't think he's going to bring in nearly as much as we are used to. And I'm 3 months away from stopping work. I worked out our future budget on his old earnings and I just don't think we are going to cope if it reduces by a lot.
Unforseen costs in the renovations keep turning up - like now we have to replace all our boundary fences and we've just been quoted $10,000 for it! I don't have enough money to cover the basic building renovations, where the hell am I supposed to come up with the rest from? We will be borrowing more against the mortgage, but we can't afford much more on the repayments... especially if our income drops drastically.
And now I have to try and stop Milord from buying a plasma telly. Which makes me the bad guy.
- Milord has been like a bear with a sore head lately. Obviously all of the above is weighing on him too, and I understand that. But don't take it out on me! Oh, and is a cuddle too much to ask for? I'm pregnant not leprous for fucks sake! My body image is at rock bottom without my husband seemly finding me gross.
So yeah, I've been lying there for hours with this shit running through my head. I got up for the umpteenth wee and surprised myself by bursting into tears in the bathroom. My first weepie of the year. Ugh.
Suck it up you idiot. You'll be fine.